Why Am I So Cranky?

Have you noticed that - no matter how organized you are, no matter how far in advance you plan and do and prepare, and even if you don't participate in the religious and cultural customs and rituals of winter in the Northern Hemisphere - this time of year makes you cranky? Out of sorts? Stressed?
 
There are lots of reasons why you might feel this way – everything from being overwhelmed by holiday activity to something as serious as the onset of seasonal affective disorder. Although you can find plenty of advice on how to cope with the stress of the holidays, and you can buy light boxes to fool your brain into thinking it is still midsummer, I want to suggest an alternative, one that moves past Surface Mind solutions and addresses the needs of your Deeper Mind.*
 
When you live in a temperate climate, Deeper Mind responds to seasonal changes in ways that are easy for Surface Mind to ignore or override, even when doing so leaves you with a feeling of being out of step and out of sorts. Deeper Mind speaks in images, in symbols and signs, in dreams and in synchronistic “coincidences.” Tune in to that language and you will learn how to work with the seasons, all year round.
 
We respond to the change of seasons in ways that are rooted in our evolutionary past, when everyone (except babes in arms) contributed to meeting the needs for food, shelter, clothing, water, sleep, and play. Our ancestors’ brains evolved, and were trained as they grew from child to adult, to respond without conscious effort to seasonal changes. That included changes in the level of activity needed to find, grow, preserve, and store food; the need for more or less shelter and warmth; the need to make or mend clothing and footwear.
 
In Winter, the time of darkness and cold, our Deeper Mind craves rest. We both want and need longer periods of sleep, quiet conversations, more time to ponder and process and plan and, yes, play. Contemporary culture stands in clear opposition to this craving: we are surrounded by bright lights, noisy crowds, and insistent demands that we go out – out of our safe, warm places and into the cold and the dark. With Surface Mind handing us a list of all the things we should be doing while Deeper Mind is saying, "Stay in where it’s warm, rest, reflect, and dream. . . “ it’s no surprise we feel cranky.
 
So give yourself a break. Literally. Take some time each day to meditate or just sit quietly. Put on music that soothes you, and tell Surface Mind to pipe down. Give yourself permission to turn down party invitations in favor of staying home, or take a stay-cation. Be conscious of how fulfilling work or family obligations might contribute to your feeling less than optimal. You don’t need to renege on all of your obligations, just build in some alone time, some play, or some other way to bring yourself back into balance. 

Then, if you wish, make some use of this season of darkness and rest.

Winter is the best time to do the thoughtful, inner work related to deep or large change. (The custom of "New Year's Resolutions" is a distorted remnant of this.) If you want to develop a new line of business or research, start a new career, or find a new job, Winter is the optimal time for laying the groundwork of research and planning.

And then, as the days begin to get noticeably longer, and as Deeper Mind stirs, gently and slowly, with a longing for sunshine and the out of doors, you’ll be ready. Spring - the time for moving from planning to planting, for taking the first small steps to making what you dreamed of in Winter a reality - is just around the next turn of the year. 
 
Happy New Year to you and yours!
 
*Your Deeper Mind is variously called the unconscious, the subconscious, the intuitive brain, and the primitive brain. Deeper Mind takes care of things like breathing, digestion, body temperature, and other body functions. Deeper Mind generates your experience of the world by processing and filtering the information coming in through your senses. Deeper Mind responds to changes in your environment in ways that Surface Mind pays little attention to. The feelings you experience – the sensations in your body and the emotions that arise as you interpret those sensations – are a product of Deeper Mind. They are also messages from Deeper Mind that, as you attend and respond to them, can bring you into greater harmony and ease in your life.

 Photo by Axel Antas for UnSplash

Photo by Axel Antas for UnSplash

When Was the Last Time You Just Played?

I recently rediscovered the joys of coloring books! And color pencils! And color pens! All the coloring things! Coloring has become my new favorite way to get my brain to relax and focus at the same time. It’s how I play, throughout the day.

Do you remember what it was like when you played as a child? Children at play, more often than not are in the much-touted “zone,” where time disappears, attention is relaxed and focused, and nothing else matters except the matter at hand. Even as an adult, you can use play to reach that state on a regular basis. Practice it enough, and you’ll find it easier to reach when you are not playing – when you are “working,” for example.

Here’s what makes for optimum workday playtime:

  • Do something that requires the use of your body – hands, feet, arms, legs, torso. Note: using your fingers on a keyboard, phone, or video game controller does not count.
  • Do something that requires paying attention to music, rhythm, images, pictures, or symbols. For most of us, activities that involve words or numbers lead to way too much of the kind of thinking that you are trying to escape for a short time
  • Do something that you can pick up and put down easily after 10 or 15 minutes. 

Coloring works for me because I’m not so great at drawing, but I love to play with color. Other ways I play are: practicing my drumming, dancing around my office to an inspiring bit of music, working on a big jigsaw puzzle, and taking a walk in the park without plugging into my iPod, so that I can listen for birdsong and other nature sounds.

When I take a play break, I come back to my work refreshed, often with more energy and new ideas. Yep, it is better than coffee!

Imagine how much more we could accomplish if every workplace had a playroom, full of art supplies and coloring books and building blocks and jigsaw puzzles and puppet theaters and sand boxes. (OK, that last one might be a bit messy, but it sure would be fun!)

How do you play? What do you want in your workplace playroom?

It's That Time of Year

 

A couple of months ago, a successful business owner told me that Autumn is a time when she starts to question herself about why she is in business, and why she is doing the things she is doing. She said, “I have a hard time thinking strategically” in this season of the year.

There are lots of seemingly obvious reasons why we might feel this way in Autumn – everything from feeling overwhelmed by holiday planning to something as serious as the onset seasonal affective disorder. Although you can find plenty of advice on how to cope with the stress of the holidays, and you can buy light boxes to fool your brain into thinking it is still midsummer, I want to suggest an alternative, one that moves past Surface Mind solutions and addresses the needs of your Deeper Mind.*

When you live in a temperate climate, Deeper Mind responds to seasonal changes in ways that are easy for Surface Mind to ignore or override, even when doing so leaves with a feeling of being out of step and out of sorts. Deeper Mind speaks in images, in symbols and signs, in dreams and in synchronistic “coincidences.” Tune in to that language and you will learn how to work with the seasons, all year round.

We respond to the change of seasons in ways that are rooted in our evolutionary past, when everyone (except babes in arms) contributed to meeting the needs for food, shelter, clothing, water, sleep, and play. Our ancestors’ brains evolved, and were trained as they grew from child to adult, to respond without conscious effort to seasonal changes. That included changes in the level of activity needed to find, grow, preserve, and store food; the need for more or less shelter and warmth; the need to make or mend clothing and footwear.

It also included meeting the need for play of all kinds – music, singing, dancing, games, and the intimate play of sex. To work well, our brains need the relaxation and regeneration that play provides.

Here are some ways that Deeper Mind responds to the seasons:

The warm and sunny Summer months of the year – generally from June through mid-September in the Northern Hemisphere – are the time for peak activity. Deeper Mind longs to be outside, to be moving and sweating and productive. This time of year is best for working hard and being busy, doing the things that will pay off in future. Think of what it took to grow and gather food in the time before fertilizers, weed killers, and large-scale irrigation. The long hours of daylight also allow plenty of time for play. Summer is the perfect time for backyard gatherings; for outdoor fun; and for enjoying the evenings' cool breezes while gazing at the night sky.

Autumn - from mid-September until early November – is the time for harvesting and storing food. We begin to wind down, to slow down, to spend more time indoors. This is a great time to celebrate all of our harvests - our achievements and successes. Look back, assess, organize files and information, and do “maintenance” activities that you’ve put off all summer. Playtime might include bonfire gatherings and harvest festivals.

In Winter, the time of darkness and cold, our Deeper Mind craves rest. We both want and need longer periods of sleep, quiet conversations, more time to ponder and process and plan and, yes, play. Winter is the best time to be at home; to do the thoughtful, inner work related to deep or large change. (The custom of "New Year's Resolutions" is a distorted remnant of this.) If you want to develop a new line of business, start a new career, or find a new job, Winter is the optimal time for laying the groundwork of research and planning.

As the days begin to get noticeably longer in Spring – generally beginning around mid-February in the Northern Hemisphere – Deeper Mind stirs, gently and slowly, with a longing for sunshine and the out of doors. This is the time for moving from planning to planting, to take the first small steps to making what you dreamed of in Winter a reality. Spring emerges in buds and flowers, in newborn animals, in the nests of birds. "Spring cleaning" our living and working spaces mirrors the activity of the natural world. Playtime includes a desire for novelty and exploration - we seek out what's new, what's fresh, what refreshes. Go fly a kite!

Ah yes, in an ideal world we’d all work this way. Sadly, our culture, at times, gets it entirely backward. We take vacations from work and “take it easy” in the summer, and in Winter we travel, string up lights to banish the darkness, and throw parties. In between, in Autumn and Spring, we cram in as much “work” as we possibly can, because everyone knows nothing gets done in the Summer, and the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day is a waste as well.

This puts us at odds with what Deeper Mind desires, and that conflict is a source of unease and disease – stress and its attendant ills. Of course, you can’t change the culture in which you live and work overnight. What you can do is pay attention to the signals from your Deeper Mind, and find ways to acknowledge and respond to those signals. Here are some ideas:

When you notice your mood and your thoughts shifting with the seasons, shift with it rather than fighting it. This is a bit easier in Autumn, Spring, and Summer when our cultural celebrations are better attuned to the energies of the season. You'll likely find that simply paying attention to how  the time of year is reflected in your desires and your choices is enough to feel yourself in clearer harmony with the seasons. 

Winter is more of a challenge. Give yourself permission to turn down party invitations in favor of staying home in December, or take a stay-cation in January and spend the time focusing on what you will plant for yourself come Spring. Be conscious of how fulfilling work or family obligations might contribute to your feeling less than optimal. You don’t need to renege on all of your obligations, just build in some alone time, some play, or some other way to bring yourself back into balance.

Right now, take a look at your personal and business calendar and (if you keep them) to-do lists from the previous 12 months.

·       When were you most active? Least active?

·       What changes could you make to bring your calendar more in line with the seasons? What tasks or activities could you have successfully moved from Winter or Fall to Summer or Spring?

Here are some ideas for bringing your life into greater harmony with the seasons:

·       Set aside a period in the Winter for doing nothing but planning. If you can, do this for at least a week.

·       Set aside a few days in August to look at what you have accomplished, and what remains to be done before the end of the year. August and September are a great time to delete or archive old emails and computer files, clean out paper files, and generally make room for this year’s “harvest.”

·       Set aside a few days in late November to clean out what you don’t need, and “store up” what you need for the Winter. Are there people you want to reach out to, financial arrangements to make?

Change your surroundings to reflect the season.

·       Start by checking in with your Deeper Mind by “listening” to the sensations in your body, and paying attention to images and objects that catch your attention or that appear in your dreams.

·       Using your Deeper Mind connections, develop and surround yourself with your own set of images, symbols, colors, sounds, and smells for each season. Don’t rely on Pottery Barn or Bed, Bath, and Beyond to tell you how to decorate – find your own symbolic language for the seasons. No one but you gets to decide whether Spring is pastels and painted eggs, or a dozen shades of green and a basket of pea pods, or whatever else strikes your fancy. (For me, the time around the Winter Solstice is not red-and-green, it is deep midnight blue, white, and silver and it smells like juniper and wood smoke.)

Hold all of these suggestions lightly, use what appeals to you and leave the rest, and no matter what, remember to play!

*Your Deeper Mind is variously called the unconscious, the subconscious, the intuitive brain, and the primitive brain. Deeper Mind takes care of things like breathing, digestion, body temperature, and other body functions. Deeper Mind generates your experience of the world by processing and filtering the information coming in through your senses. Deeper Mind responds to changes in your environment in ways that Surface Mind pays little attention to. The feelings you experience – the sensations in your body and the emotions that arise as you interpret those sensations – are a product of Deeper Mind. They are also messages from Deeper Mind that, as you attend and respond to them, can bring you into greater harmony and ease in your life.

 

Stressed? Have a Cup of Gratitude.

Feeling stressed this holiday season? Try making yourself cup of gratitude.

This morning I had an unprompted moment of clear and utter gratitude. I was sipping my morning cuppa, looking around my home (which is also my office building), and had a sudden and deep realization that my life is extraordinarily wonderful. Literally, it is in no way ordinary, and I am full of wonder at what I have created with the life that was handed me.

Now, these past few weeks I've been in a bit of a funk. Not deep enough to earn the title "depression" but deep enough that I haven't much felt like putting up the Yule decorations or going to the social events that pile up this time of year. I was dwelling on all the things I don't have - family members who have died, friendships that have ended or faded, the lack of time and funding for  the projects I want to complete, and on and on. Nothing life-shattering or even particularly serious, just a low-grade sense of lack and dissatisfaction.

This morning that all shifted.

What led to this seemingly miraculous moment? Remember that Zen saying: "Cut wood, carry water?" Attend to the day-to-day needs of your being, so that you can simply be. That's it. For me, that looks like "Meditate, exercise, eat healthy food." When I take the time to simply be fully in my body, to be completely in the present moment, to be still and listen, clarity comes. And with it comes compassion, for myself, for those I love, for all beings in this crazy world. And a heart full of gratitude for this extraordinary, wonderful life of mine.

Then, only then, can I begin to imagine, plan, and do. Maybe I'll even pull those decorations out of the attic . . .

Why Hire a Coach?

 

Why do I never get the things in life that I want? Why does success elude me? Why does every attempt I make to change my life lead me back to what I had to begin with? What do I really want, anyway? 

When you're asking yourself questions like these and getting no answers, it's time to bring in a coach.

Coaching can address any part of your life in which there is a discrepancy between what you say you want and what you have and consistently get. If you’re confused, uncertain, scared, don’t know what you want, or you're tormented by “should’s” and “ought-to’s,” coaching can serve to sort through the confusion and bring clarity and focus. 

Coaching can help when:

  • You know precisely where you are heading and want some tools and encouragement to pick up the pace or keep you focused. 
  • You are happy where you are and getting curious about what might be next. 
  • You are facing a setback or disappointment and feel unsure about what’s next. 
  • You are experiencing mild and vague disgruntlement and wondering where that’s coming from and what you can do about it. 
  • You are unhappy and tired of trying to fix things on your own.

As a coach, I offer a client-centered approach and effective and useful techniques and tools, including: 

  • structure for getting the results that you want. I provide structure for your work through regular coaching appointments, tasks and steps to work through, deadlines, and benchmarks for success.
  • accountability – I will hold you responsible for doing the work, completing tasks and exercises that you’ve agreed to do, and meeting deadlines that you’ve agreed to. Simply being held accountable for doing what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it is a very large component of our successful coaching relationship.
  • challenges that move you out of your comfort zone and give you confidence in your ability and belief in your accomplishments. 

The best coach in the world won’t do you much good if you don’t do the work to create change in yourself and your life. What you get out of coaching is directly proportional to the amount of work you are willing to put in. 

Your commitment and determination, even in the face of resistance and reluctance, are key to make coaching work for you. Indeed, if there weren’t resistance and reluctance in the way, you wouldn’t need a coach. You have to be willing to be uncomfortable.  You also have to tell the truth – about what is going on for you, what you are feeling and thinking, what you have done or not done, and what kind of results you are getting.   And yes, you have to do the homework – the tasks and exercises that I ask you to do, even when you don’t immediately see the reason for it.

Is coaching worth the time and expense?  If you want to make a change in your life AND you need the support of a coach to make that change happen – ask yourself “What is it costing me to have my life stay the way it is?”   What is it costing you in terms of your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health?  What is it costing your loved ones and friends?   Ask yourself if you – a happy, productive, satisfied you – are worth it. 

If the answer is "Yes," contact me to set up a free consultation call today.